A Flight to Remember/Transcript
['''Scene': The ship flies towards Earth, towards the Planet Express building. The landing gear comes down and the ship lands.]'' :['''Cut to': Planet Express: Hangar. The crew walk out. Their hair is ruffled, their clothes are torn and dirty.]'' Leela: That was the worst delivery ever. Fry: Yeah. I'm never going to another planet called "Cannibalon"! Bender: Me neither. upbeat Food was good, though. :['''Cut to': Planet Express: Meeting Room. Farnsworth sits at the table, drinking from a cup. He turns around when the crew walk in.]'' Farnsworth: Oh, great news, everyone. Bender: Shove it! We quit! Farnsworth: In that case I'll have to hire a new crew to go on our company vacation. Leela: Vacation? Bender: Alright! :and Fry high-five. Fry: This is great! I haven't had time off since I was 21 through 24. :sit down. Farnsworth: It's just my way of thanking you for not reporting my countless violations of safety and minimum wage laws. Bender: Aww, you! :knocks Farnsworth affectionately on the shoulder. Farnsworth: I've booked us all on the maiden voyage of the largest, most luxurious space cruise ship ever built. pulls out a brochure. The Titanic! :Titanic is a futuristic space version of the , with bubble domes and rocket engines. And rings, of course. Leela: Looks nice. :music. They carry on staring at the brochure ... unaware. :Credits. Caption: Filmed On Location. :['''Scene': A huge spaceport sits high above the skyline of New New York City. The rotating disc on top indicates it is South Street Spaceport.]'' :['''Cut to': South Street Spaceport Departures. The entire staff emerge from the travel tubes in the departure area which looks similar to that of an airport.]'' Fry: Hey, uh, where's my suitcase? suitcase flies out from the tube and knocks him over. Ow! :['''Scene': South Street Spaceport. The huge Titanic sits moored to the port and Mayor Poopenmeyer gives a speech.]'' Poopenmeyer: As Mayor of New New York, it's my pleasure to introduce the honorary captain for the Titanic's maiden voyage. A man who single-handedly defeated the Retiree People of the Assisted Living Nebula: Zapp Brannigan! :walks forward and waves to the crowd. They cheer and applaud. Leela: Oh, God! Not Zapp Brannigan! Zoidberg: You know Zapp Brannigan? Leela: Let's just say we've "crossed paths". Bender: Was that before or after you slept with him? :looks at the Titanic. Zapp: She's a beautiful ship, alright. Shapely ... seductive. I'm gonna fly her brains out. crowd applauds. Zapp holds up his hand and they stop. And now, without further adieu, I christen this ship, Titanic. :hands him [[Leonardo DiCaprio's head] in a jar. Zapp smashes it against the side of the ship. DiCaprio's head bounces away. The crowd applauds and cheers.] :Lapse. Passengers board via gangways. Zapp personally welcomes passengers. He sees the Planet Express staff walk up the gangway. Zapp: Well, well, well! The Lady Leela. Take notes, Kif. You're about to witness the subtle waltz known as seduction. sighs. Leela stops as Zapp blocks her way. So, trapped on a ship with me. What say you and I knock some very sensual boots? Leela: It's tempting, but, uh, I have a fiancé now. Uh, hmm, uh, hmm, uh, we--, uh ... repeatedly looks at Farnsworth, Zoidberg and Fry, makes a quick decision, then pulls Fry forward. Him! Fry, darling, meet Zapp Brannigan. Fry: Huh? eblows him. Ooh! How do you do? :shakes Zapp's hand. Zapp narrows his eyes at Fry. :['''Scene': The Titanic leaves port honking its horn to the cheering crowds. It flies away from Earth and off into space.]'' :['''Scene': Titanic First Class Corridor. The crew walk across polished floors and past a grand wooden staircase straight out of the film Titanic. They walk through another corridor.]'' Farnsworth: Ah, here's my stateroom. :walks in, followed by everyone else. Bender suddenly sees something and stops and purrs. He zooms in on a well-dressed Fembot and she does the same. He zooms in further and his eyes fall out. He scrambles around the floor for them. Bender: Come on, where is it? :feels around the floor, finds one and puts it back in but the Fembot is gone. He sighs. :['''Scene': Titanic First Class State Room. Everyone, especially Fry, seems settled in in the plush furnishings of the room.]'' Farnsworth: Now, Hermes, you and your lovely wife, LaBarbara, have the suite through there. And Dr. Zoidberg, your marble tank is on the other side. :bounces on a green chair. Fry: Man, first class seems nice! Farnsworth: It'll seem even nicer once you've seen your room. :hands Amy a key. :['''Scene': Titanic First Class Deck. Amy, Leela, Bender and Fry stand waiting for the elevator.]'' Amy: Looks like we're on the Fiesta Deck. :elevator door opens. :['''Cut to': Titanic Elevator. Amy presses a button and the elevator goes down past second class where there are lots of T-shirt wearing tourists with fat children and cameras; past steerage where there are lots of stereotypical Irish people; past laundry which is already filled with clothes; past the bowels of the ship where men shovel coal into furnaces. It stops at the Fiesta deck and the doors opens to a dank, dripping corridor.]'' :['''Scene': Titanic Fiesta Deck Corridor. The staff emerge from the elevator.]'' Leela: This is it. :opens the door and groans. :['''Cut to': Titanic Fiesta Deck Room. The room a is dank room with leaking pipes and four camp beds along the side.]'' Fry: Well at least we get a window! :pulls a blind up and is blasted in the face with reactor fumes. Bender: Well, I'm tired of this room and everyone in it. If you'll excuse me, I'm gonna pop over to the casino for the next 135 hours! :leaves. Amy: I think I'll go and fill up on bisque at the buffet. :closes the door as she leaves. Fry: I guess that just leaves you and your fake fianc´ ... all alone ... on a romantic cruise. :puts his arm around her. Leela: Take it off or I'll break it off. Fry: OK! :takes his arm from around her. Zapp opens the door. Zapp: Captain's inspection! :puts Fry's arm back around her and smiles weakly. :['''Scene': Titanic Casino. Bender is already settled in, standing at a craps table.]'' Bender: Hmm. his eyes we see his cheat unit predicting the dice. He chuckles. I'm bettin' it all! empties the chips from his chest cabinet. Come on, baby needs a new pair of feet! :rolls the dice. Croupier: Snake eyes. :rakes in the chips. Bender: No! My cheating unit malfunctioned! You gotta give me a do-over! Croupier: Sorry, the house limit is three do-overs. Next shooter. :takes a seat at the bar and sighs. Bender: Gimmie you're biggest, strongest, cheapest drink. :bartender, iZac, turns around. iZac: You got it! :fills a bucket. Bender turns around and sees the Fembot from earlier. He gasps and walks over to her. Bender: Allow me to introduce myself. I'm Bender. Countess: Charmed. I'm the Countess de la Roca. I was surprised to see another robot staying in first class. Most of the robots I meet are labourers. Bender: I assure you, I barely know the meaning of the word "labour". :Countess laughs. Countess: Oh, Mr. Bender! Bender: Please, call me Bender. :kisses her hand. Countess: embarrassed Oh, goodness. I don't-- :he kisses her, he reaches around and takes some money from her purse. :['''Scene': Titanic Wheel Room. Zapp stands in front of an old-fashioned sailing wheel. Kif emerges from a washroom.]'' Zapp: Kif, I'm feeling the captain's itch. Kif: I'll get the powder, sir. Zapp: No, the itch for adventure! Prepare to change course. Kif: Sir, this is a leisure cruise. Our path was set by the travel agency. :presses a button and a map comes down on the wall showing the route is a straight line from Earth to another planet. Zapp: That's for schoolgirls! Now here's a route with some chest hair. :squiggles a new course onto the map. Kif: But that course leads directly through a swarm of comets. Zapp: Yes, comets! The icebergs of the sky. By jack-knifing from one to the next at breakneck speed we might just get some kind of gravity boost ... or something. sighs. It's time to shove a jalapeño up this ships tailpipe. grabs the wheel. Divert power from the shields, full speed ahead! :['''Scene': Titanic Buffet. Amy takes a bowlful of bisque.]'' Amy: Oh, yeah! :turns around, gasps and drops the bowl. Mrs. Wong: Amy! Hello! Amy: Mom? Dad? What are you doing here? Mr. Wong: We were planning on enjoying a relaxing vacation. But since you're here, we'll have to do some meddling. Mrs. Wong: We met the nicest boy in the cabin next to ours. Mr. Wong: He's not very ugly. Mrs. Wong: You should marry him! Or at least use him to conceive a grandchild for us. Mr. Wong: There he is at the buffet! :points at a large man who leans over the sneeze guard, dips his finger into the bisque and tastes it. Amy: Uh, he seems really nice but, well, I already have a boyfriend. Mrs. Wong: Really? Where is he? Mr. Wong: And why isn't he here right now fathering our grandchild? Amy: Uh... :['''Scene': Titanic Deck. Fry and Leela stand outside, looking at the stars.]'' Leela: Well, our accommodations aren't great, but it sure is beautiful out here. Fry: Yeah, it's pretty romantic-- Uh, I mean platonic. Th-That sure is one platonic view! Leela: Fry, just be quiet. I'm beginning to think this whole fake fiancé thing was a terrible, terrible-- :turns and gasps, then grabs Fry and kisses him. Fry: Hmm? Mmm! Zapp: Leela, perhaps this is an awkward time but if things don't work out with this pipsqueak here ... puts his hand on her shoulder. ... I just want you to know I'll be there to score you on the rebound. :walks away, humming. Leela stops kissing Fry. Leela: Uh, look, before you get any crazy ideas, that was for Zapp. Fry: Well, you got anything else for him? Leela: Alright, can we try not to complicate this? :and her parents arrive. Amy: Mom, Dad, I'd like you to meet Fry, my boyfriend. :kisses him. Fry: Hmm? Mmm! :Lapse. Later, the staff relax in swimsuits by the pool. Leela lies on a sunbed wearing a green swimsuit with a hole around the navel. Fry is with Amy. Fry: See you later, wuvvums! :kisses Amy and she leaves with her parents. He sits on a sunbed next to Leela. Leela: It would have been nice if you'd told me you were going out with Amy. Fry: I'm not going out with Amy. It's just to fool her parents. Hey, you're not jealous, are you? Leela: What? No. No! Of course not! Fry: Good, 'cause I consider my fake relationship with you a lot more meaningful. :grunts. :['''Scene': Countess de la Roca's Room.]'' Countess: Mind if I freshen up a bit before we go out? Bender: I was just about to suggest the same thing. Countess giggles then disappears into the bathroom. The sound of a power tool comes from the room. Bender rubs his hands with glee. He rummages through her drawers and sees a bracelet on the table. He picks it up and chuckles. Pay dirt! :is about to put it in his chest cabinet but he hesitates. The Countess is behind him. Countess: Lovely, isn't it? Bender: Yeah. But only 93% as lovely as you. :puts it on her wrist. Countess: Oh, Bender! Either that was a computing error or you're the most romantic robot I've ever met! :smirks. :['''Scene': Titanic Casino. Bender watches the Countess play a fruit machine while he sits at the bar.]'' Bender: I don't get it, iZac; that bracelet had a diamond the size of a racoon's brain. Why couldn't I steal it? iZac: It's obvious, Mr. B. You're in love. Bender: Oh, it's true. But we're star-crossed robots. She, a countess, built with a silver spoon in her mouth. And me, just a regular honest Joe. :walks off with the drinks. iZac: Hey, you gonna pay for those? Bender: Hell, no! :presses something on his body and it beeps. iZac: Security to bar area. Security to bar area. :robot security guards rise from the floor and grab Bender. Bender: Fellas, please. I'm in love! iZac: Rough him up! :security guards punch Bender. The Countess intervenes. Countess: What are you doing? iZac: This penniless chump was stealing drinks, ma'am. Countess: I see. Here you are, sir. hands iZac some money. Keep the change. iZac: You got it! :security guards punch Bender a couple more times then go back into the floor. Bender looks away from the Countess, ashamed. :['''Scene': Titanic Deck. The staff, Kif and the fat man limbo. Zoidberg clears the stick.]'' Zoidberg: Aha! :has a go. Fry: Go, Professor! Amy: Lean back more! :smacks straight into the pole. Farnsworth: Ow! :and LaBarbara stand away from the game. LaBarbara: Come on, Hermes, you could out-limbo all of these people! Hermes: Don't be a dog heart, woman. You know I can't. Not after what happened. :[''Flashback. At the 2980 Olympics, Hermes warms up on the track.]'' Announcer: loudspeaker Now limbo-ing for the Earth team, Hermes Conrad. :Hermes warms up, a boy in the crowd wearing a Hermes T-shirt shouts. Boy: shouting You're my hero, Hermes! I'm gonna be just like you! :jumps out of the stand and runs towards the limbo stick. Hermes: No, boy, stop! It's too low! Your backbone can't take it! :boy leans back. Boy: I'm just like Hermes! I'm just like-- :back cracks, the crowd gasps and Hermes winces. Hermes: screaming Nooo! :[''Flashback ends. Hermes cries and LaBarbara pats him on the back.]'' LaBarbara: There, there. Now you don't have to limbo if you don't want. It doesn't make you any less of a man. Farnsworth: Though it did get me some action! :hangs onto his arm. Hattie: I like a man who's flexible! :Zapp. Zapp: Your attention, please. As captain of this vessel, the terrible burden of naming a limbo contest winner is mine and mine alone. Kif: Shouldn't you be steering between the comets? Zapp: And the winner is, Leela! :crowd applauds and turns to Leela, who is still sitting on her sunbed. Leela: But I didn't even limbo. Zapp: No matter. I know from personal experience how horizontal you can get. As your reward, you and that hairpile are invited to dine at the captain's table this evening. :hoots. :Lapse. Bender and the Countess lean over the rail on the deck. Bender: Well, now you know. I'm not actually rich. I'm a fraud. A poor, lazy, sexy fraud. This isn't even a real bow-tie, it's magnetic. :takes the bow-tie off and throws it against the wall where it sticks. Countess: Bender, I don't care whether you have money. I love you for your artificial intelligence and your sincerity simulator. Bender: You do? Really? :Countess nods. She and Bender kiss. :['''Montage': In some scenes lifted from Titanic the Countess lies on a sofa naked. Bender's finger makes printer noises as he draws her. He shows her the picture which looks like circuit diagrams. At the bow of the ship, he holds her up at the railings but she is so heavy she ends up breaking his arms off. In the hold they climb into an old hovercar and literally make sparks.]'' :['''Scene': Titanic Buffet. A sign advertises "All You Can Eat Plus A Whole Chicken". Fry, Leela, Farnsworth and Hattie sit with Zapp around the captain's table wearing formal evening wear. Zapp wears a formal off-white DOOP jacket with medals.]'' Zapp: I like your style, Fry. You remind me of a young me. Not much younger, mind you. Perhaps even a couple of years older. Fry: Thank you, sir. Zapp: As a gentleman, I must warn you. If you so much as glance at another woman, I'll be all over Leela like a fly on a pile of very seductive manure. Fry: Well, rest assured, Leela's the only girl for me. :the Wongs. Amy: Hey, Fry. Leela: Amy! Amy: Leela! :has brought her parents. They sit down. Zapp: Ah, the family Wong. Our party is complete. :Leela and Amy lean in. Leela: whispering What are we gonna do? Fry can't pretend to be both our boyfriends. Fry: whispering Sure I can. I learned how to handle delicate social situations from a little show called Three's Company. :taps his glass. Zapp: I'd like to impose a toast on the happy couple. Down the hatch! Mrs. Wong: Hear, hear! Now let's have a kiss! Zapp: Yes, Fry. Plant one on your woman. Fry: Um, let me think. Come and knock on our door, nuh, nuh, nuh, nuh, nuh, nuh. Uh, Mr. Roper-- :Wong thumps the table. Mr. Wong: What's the hold up? Kiss my daughter already! Farnsworth: Wait, I'm confused. Now tell me, Fry, which one of these ladies are you involved with? Fry: Uh... :[He hums the theme to ''Three's Company again. Enter Kif.]'' Kif: Captain, may I have a word with you? Zapp: No. Kif: It's an emergency, sir. Zapp: Come back when it's a catastrophe. is a crash and the ship shakes. Zapp reluctantly stands up. Oh, very well. :leaves with Kif. Amy: Well, with Zapp gone and my parents still here, I suggest Fry give me a nice, convincing kiss. Fry: Ah, now there's something we can all enjoy. :and Amy kiss. Leela grunts and turns away. :['''Scene': Titanic Wheel Room. The comets outside fly very close to the ship.]'' Kif: Sir, remember your course correction? Zapp: No. Kif: Well it's proving somewhat more suicidal than we'd initially hoped. Zapp: Kif, old friend, I don't know which disgusts me more: Your cowardice or your stupidity! We'll simply set a new course for that empty region over there. Near that black-ish hole-ish thing. :points at the black-ish hole-ish thing and grins. Kif's jaw drops. :['''Scene': Titanic Deck. Fry emerges from a room. Leela looks over the railing.]'' Fry: Hey, Leela, why'd you run off from dinner? Leela: I didn't run off. I had plenty of time to finish eating and stroll away while you were kissing Amy. Fry: Oh, look, I'm not actually interested in her if that's what's bothering you. Leela: Oh, are you sure? I mean, she has two eyes, you have two eyes. Fry: I know, we seem like a perfect match, but I just don't feel that way about her. :Titanic drifts past a nebula. Leela: Nice nebula. Fry: Yeah. :look down at the couples on the decks below and see Hermes and LaBarbara; Bender and the Countess; Mr. and Mrs. Wong; Dr. Zoidberg and a jellyfish alien; Farnsworth and Hattie. Leela: Look's like everybody's got somebody. Except me. Fry: And me. :gaze into each other's eyes and lean in to kiss. The ship shakes, Leela loses her balance, head butts Fry and they both fall over. Leela: What was that? looks over the railings and sees. Oh, my God! We're heading straight into a black hole. Fry: Talk about a mood killer! :['''Scene': Titanic Wheel Room.]'' Zapp: Don't blame yourself, Kif. We were doomed from the start. Nothing remains now but for the captain to go down with his ship. Kif: Why, that's surprisingly noble of you, sir. Zapp: No, it's noble of you, Kif! tears his captain's patch off. As of now ... puts the patch on Kif. ... you're in command. Congratulations, captain! :leaves and flies past the wheel room in an escape pod. Kif sighs. :['''Scene': Titanic Deck. People run about in a panic. The staff look at a deck plan of the Titanic.]'' Leela: OK. We just have to get from here to the escape pods. :is the front of the ship. The escape pods are located at the back. The map breaks in half and the ship itself begins to tear in half. Farnsworth: shouting I'm too young to die! Leela: Come on, before it's too late! Bender: You all go without me. I'm gonna take one last look around. You know, for, uh, stuff to steal. Fry: You're going back or the Countess, aren't you? :pulls Fry aside. Bender: whispering Alright, I am. But I don't want the others to know. If I don't come back, just say I died robbing some old man. Fry: I'll tell them you went out prying the wedding ring off his cold, dead finger. Bender: I love you, buddy! :hugs Fry then runs off. :['''Cut to': Titanic Casino. The fruit machines and tables are overturned, fires burn and there is a huge hole in the middle of the floor. Bender runs in to the room.]'' Bender: shouting Countess? Countess? Countess: shouting Bender! :looks around and sees the Countess' hat by the hole. He rushes over and peers into the hole. The Countess is trapped in a burning room. She is huddled in a corner away from the flames. Countess: shouting I fell through the deck. Bender: shouting Are you hurt, my sweet? Countess: shouting No. Luckily a family broke my fall. Bender: Just hang on! I'll take care of that fire! :grabs a fire hose and jumps through the hole. :['''Cut to': Titanic Room. Bender lands in the middle of the room and sprays the flames with water, extinguishing the fire. He leaves the hose and hugs the Countess.]'' Countess: Bender, you risked your life to save me. Bender: And I'd do it again. And perhaps a third time. But that would be it. kiss. When we kiss, I feel like I'm standing waist-deep in a pool of cold, rising water. :both look down and see they are standing waist-deep in a pool of cold, rising water. They scream and shout as it gets closer to their heads. :['''Scene': Titanic Corridor. The staff run around a corner. Fry carries Farnsworth on his back.]'' Leela: Hurry! The escape pods should be just ahead! Hermes: gasping Faster! :is a crash and the emergency airlock begins to close. The staff run forwards to get under it. Zoidberg dives and wedges his claw under it. It stops moving. Leela tries to lift it. Leela: It won't move. And the door release is on the other side. Fry: Then we're dead meat. No one could squeeze under there! :steps forward. Hermes: No one, except a legendary limbo champion. :tears his tux off, revealing his Earth team vest underneath. LaBarbara: Oh, Hermes! :leans back and his back creaks. Hermes: Ooh! It's been a while. leans back and tries to go under the door. His knees hit it. This one is for that little kid who's limbo-ing up in heaven right now. :pulls a food trolley in front of her and starts playing a dish cover with some spoons. Hermes squeezes under the door. The others cheer. LaBarbara: That's my man, alright, baby, limbo! Hermes: I still got the moves! Zoidberg, lower the door another inch. LaBarbara: Just go on through and hit the release, you hot dog! Hermes: Yes, dear. :door slides up. They all cheer and rush through. LaBarbara: That's my man! Amy: Yay, Hermes! Hermes: Uh, can somebody help me up? :['''Scene': Titanic Room. The water rises and completely covers the robots. They stop screaming.]'' Countess: Well, now what are we going to do? Bender: Wait a second. Aren't you a member of the yacht club? Countess: By God, you're right! I'm a class-3 yacht. :propellor comes out from under her. Bender hops on and they rise to the surface. :['''Scene': Titanic Deck. Passengers board the escape pods.]'' Farnsworth: Thank God there are plenty of escape pods. We won't have to dress up like women and children. :takes his hat off and throws his lolly down. He and the others run into the escape pod. Leela and Fry stop outside. Leela: We can't leave yet. We've got to wait for Bender. The high gravity must be slowing down his looting. :parents walk out onto the deck. Mrs. Wong: Amy! Amy: Mom? Dad? You're alive! Mr. Wong: Yeah, but so what? The important thing is we found you a new man. Mrs. Wong: A captain. Amy: Uh, Mom, I don't-- Kif. Hi! Kif: sexfully Hello! :picks Amy up and carries her to the escape pod. They kiss. :['''Cut to': Escape Pod. The ship begins to twist and distort.]'' Farnsworth: I don't feel well! :head twists around like a squishy goo. :['''Cut to': Titanic Deck. Fry points at something in space.]'' Fry: Look! It's our nebula. Whenever I see it I'll think back to that moment when we almost-- nebula is sucked into the black hole. Never mind! :pokes his head out of the escape pod. Hermes: Everyone else is off the ship. Where in Babylon is Bender? Leela: I don't know. But we can't wait any longer. :gets into the pod and Fry follows. He looks back at the ship. Fry: Goodbye, Bender. :closes the hatch. Bender and the Countess run out of the ship panting. Bender: shouting Wait for us! :escape pod lifts off and the airlock between it and the Titanic deck seals. Bender and the Countess leap from the deck, smashing through the glass airlock. :['''Cut to': Outside Escape Pod. Bender and the Countess float towards the pod and Bender reaches out his hand.]'' :['''Cut to': Escape Pod. It rocks as Bender grabs hold. Everyone sits along the length of the pod and Leela steers.]'' Leela: Something's wrong. We're two metric tons overweight. Amy: Well, it's not me! :looks out of the airlock window. Fry: Look! :looks out the window to see Bender and the Countess :['''Cut to': Outside Escape Pod. The Titanic creaks and is sucked into the black hole. The escape pod starts to drift back towards it.]'' Countess: I'm slipping, Bender. The pull is too strong! :slips from Bender's grasp but he grabs on to her bracelet. It's all that holds them together. She screams. Bender: I can't live without you. If you let go, I let go! Countess: No! You have too much to live for. It may hurt for a while but one day you'll share your love again. After all, it's shareware. Bender: Don't talk like that. Tragic romances always have a happy ending. :bracelet snaps and the Countess falls towards the black hole. Countess: shouting Farewell! :black hole sucks her in. Bender: shouting No! :['''Cut to': Escape Pod. Bender walks in and closes the airlock behind him.]'' Bender: She's gone. Leela: But she saved all our lives. Without her, we're light enough to get away. :slams his head against the airlock and cries. Fry: Don't cry, Bender. Nobody really knows what happens in a black hole. It's possible she's still alive in another dimension somewhere. Right, Professor? Farnsworth: Oh, yes, absolutely! turns to Zoidberg. Not a chance! :draws his finger across his neck and mimes being hung. Bender: At least I'll always have her bracelet! hands it to Hermes. What do you think it's worth? :takes a look at it. Hermes: It's fake, mon! :cries as the pod flies away into space. :Credits. Category:Season One Scripts Category:Episode Transcripts Category:Transcripts